After the uproar last week over my writing about how I secretly wish I were Scottish, I feel like I need to show a little love for my Norwegian roots.
Okay fine, there was no uproar, just my own guilt over betraying my people.
And I should feel guilty, because being (even only half) Norwegian is awesome. In fact, whenever I read one of the billions of “Helpful Habits of Ridiculously Successful People That You Need to Adopt” articles out there, I always finish with not only a new determination to start waking up early and somehow incorporate lemon water into my diet, but also a feeling that these people might be “ridiculously successful,” but they don’t have anything on Norwegians.
Because Norwegians are onto something – 18 things, in fact.
1. They breathe in when saying yes.
I mean, that’s just practical.
2. They think really boring things are interesting.
No, they haven’t just eaten something delicious, Norwegians just love to give a good long “mmmm” in response to just about whatever you say. It’s sort of the Norwegian equivalent to the super ambiguous Indian/Nepali head bob.
4. Conflict? What’s that?
Norwegians have an amazing and sometimes downright baffling ability to brush anything off. They tell me it’s because they don’t like confrontation so would rather just let stuff slide, but as a girl with a bit of a temper I’m always in awe of how cool my Norwegians friends can remain regardless of what’s thrown at them. And yes, I totally try to come up with ways to provoke them, and yes, I always fail.
Though I have heard that Northerners are a different story?
5. They’re tall.
Does that count as a habit? I guess not, but it sure is helpful sometimes.
That’s not to say the Scandinavian look is all good news, though. Some people are so blonde here they have to draw on their eyebrows.
Oh wait, is that a trend everywhere?
6. They take getting cozy very seriously.
It seems like most Norwegians’ purpose in life is to be cozy or have a cozy time, especially if it’s a Saturday.
Things that Norwegians do to get cozy: eat sweets and/or chips, go to a cabin in the middle of the mountains with no electricity or running water, spend time with people they love, light approximately 8,000 candles around their home, and eat tacos.
I’m actually not sure if the taco thing counts as kos, or if they’re doing it because it’s Taco Friday. I’m still learning so much about this place!
7. They snus instead of smoke.
A little part of me dies inside every time I have to sell someone tobacco at work (because I little part of them is going to die), but as a non-smoker I’m at least grateful that instead of getting a face full of smoke from my tobacco-loving neighbors, in Norway all I have to deal with is the sight of that weird bulge in the corner of their upper lip.
8. They drink fish oil by the jugful.
I know because I sell fish oil by the jugful, and these Norwegians buy a whole lot of it. Now that’s a good habit.
9. They love nature.
I mean, I’m pretty sure anyone who visits Norway is going to love the nature here. But I’m also pretty sure no one who visits will love it quite as much as the locals do. Sometimes they get a little crazy with their love.
10. They’re appreciative of being Norwegian.
They know that they’re really, really lucky not to have been born in Sweden.
11. They love the simple cabin life.
Yeah they’re really wealthy and could holiday wherever they like, but no thanks, they’d rather go to that freezing cabin with no plumbing. They’ll even write a love letter to their outhouse in the middle of winter. Oh wait, that was me.
Does this mean I’m integrating?
12. They stress never.
I’ve lived in some places (ahem, Germany) where people seemed to take pride out of being “so stressed,” and frankly, it really stressed me out.
Well, remember how I said it’s nearly impossible to make a Norwegian angry? It’s even harder to stress them out, they are so maddeningly laid back.
I mean, low stress is probably a good thing, but what about when there’s stuff to get done? A deadline? Something goes wrong? Someone is trying to order a service from your company?
Sometimes I try to imagine what important political meetings must be like in Norway and I’m pretty sure they just consist of a bunch of “mmmmms” and then everyone goes to their cabins for a long weekend.
13. The Norwegian language doesn’t have a lot of words, but it has the important ones.
The Sami people apparently have hundreds of words for snow. Now, I don’t know that much about the different types of snow (though I probably know more than you since, you know, I live in Norway), but I’m guessing they do, so it makes perfect sense to give them different names.
What I do know, however, is that beer tastes different when enjoyed outside, and that’s why in Norwegian it’s called “utepils.”
14. The word for boyfriend or girlfriend, kjæreste, literally meaning “dearest,” is non gender specific.
Love is love!
15. Speaking of gender, Norway is all about that gender equality.
That’s right, the two main football pundits for the European Championship coverage in Norway are women. What’s wrong with that, Dan?
16. When something sucks they’ll call it kjedelig, which translates to English as “boring.”
Now, I know this is more of a linguistic than cultural thing, but it’s actually sort of genius. Because if something is annoying or unfair, then I can work myself up into quite a state over how annoying or unfair it is. Instead, a Norwegian will just be all “ugh, that’s so boring.”
And they’re right! It usually is boring and not worth getting worked up over, or even thinking about anymore at all.
Go ahead, start replacing your angry words with “boring” and watch your rage melt away.
17. They’re just so cheery.
A Swede at work is convinced that there must be some Twin Peaks style sinister happenings going on under all this cheeriness in Rauland, but I’m pretty sure it’s just that mountain air.
Though according to my dad, who has been coming to Norway as a foreigner for way longer than I have, Norwegians didn’t used to be so cheerful. In fact, they used to be quite stern. Norway also used to be one of the poorest countries in Europe, and now it’s one of the richest. Maybe money can buy happiness?!
18. They’re super humble.
While living in Japan my friend Kathryn used to laugh about how if you say yoroshiku onegaishimasu to a Japanese person it’s like pushing a button that makes them bow. (Actually, if you say it to me I will probably also bow.)
Well, if you praise a Norwegian person they will: take a deep breath, look really skeptical, scratch the back of their head while looking around for an exit, and then quickly scurry away. Thanks, janteloven.
I mean, it can be annoying when you’re still in the middle of a conversation and they’ve just up and left, but mostly it’s just pretty adorable.
Sorry, Norwegians, has this post made you uncomfortable? I mean, you guys are the worst. You totally
suck are boring.
Disclaimer: maybe I’m talking about every Norwegian ever, maybe I’m talking about two or three of them, and only maybe are these habits actually helpful.