I’ve done a fair bit of solo travel – from moving to Japan and living alone on a teeny tiny island in the middle of nowhere, to backpacking through Central Europe and then moving to a small town in Thailand, to most recently traveling solo through Iran and the Caucasus. People often ask me how I do it, saying they would never be so brave.
Ha, what?
I’m laughing because I always find it ridiculous when people tell me that I’m brave to travel to so many places on my own. Because, you guys, I am scared of EVERYTHING. 
Most of that fear comes from being super shy; I’m scared of meeting new people, I’m scared of drawing attention to myself in public, I’m scared of making mistakes, I’m scared of public speaking, and for that matter I’m scared of talking to any group of more than five people, even if they’re all my friends.
That’s right, huge coward over here.
I’m also super scared of crossing rickety bridges. 
You know when people tell long-term travelers that they’re running away from their real-life problems and fears and those travelers get really defensive, saying that actually they are learning how to truly live life, not just let it pass by?
It’s true, traveling has helped me learn and experience way more than I ever did at home.
But I’m also totally running away.
I’m incredibly shy and awkward and basically can’t handle myself in normal social situations. Ugh.
Luckily, when I’m abroad I feel much more normal.
Wait, let me rephrase that: when I’m abroad I never feel normal.
BUT it’s because I’m weird for being a foreigner, not for being me, whoop! I don’t need to worry about fitting in because I know I’m not going to. The more foreign the country the better, because all the social standards and rules will be different.
In Asia I’m a freak for being tall and blonde, but my shyness helps me to fit in. I’ve been complimented for my ghostly pallor, but then repeatedly called fat. Once in Japan a girl in my hula class (#islandlife) even told me how jealous she was of my wide hips! (I believe Western society officially terms my figure “built like a twelve-year-old boy.”) Social standards are totally different in different places, which makes it senseless to worry about conforming to them.
I’ve said before that watching and meeting new people is my favorite part of travel and it’s true. While I love discovering delicious foods and breathtaking landscapes, connecting with people from wildly different backgrounds is always the highlight for me. Being abroad makes that a whole lot easier, because there’s always something to talk about; either we can chat about our different cultures, or I’m meeting another American whom I can reminisce about Halloween and Cheerios with (I miss Cheerios SO much). Plus it’s fine to stare at everyone because they’re all staring at me!
Public speaking even seems to be easier abroad. Making speeches in front of hundreds of students at my schools in Japan was sort of no big deal, because either I was speaking English and no one would understand me, or I was speaking Japanese “Japanese” and everyone would find my attempts at the language adorable.
Of course this isn’t all to say I’m never scared while traveling, but the rewards are so high that there’s pretty much a guarantee that facing my fears will pay off.
I mean, sure I almost fainted while in line at Iranian immigration because I kept forgetting to breathe, but it was so worth it when that trip ended up being my favorite solo travel experience ever. 
Even when everything goes horribly wrong, it somehow all turns into an amazing adventure in retrospect. So what’s to be scared of? I mean, if it’s fine for me, I can’t imagine how easy traveling must be for the non-scaredy-cats in the world.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Okay confession time: does anyone else totally have Lindsay Lohan’s “Confessions of a Broken Heart” stuck in their head now?
No one?
Yeah me neither. Wasn’t she an actress?
PIN IT!
Jameela Deen says
Very interesting way to get rid of one’s fear when everyone else is ‘weird’ i like the way you put it so simply and I’m sure many travellers enjoy this feeling of not fitting in. There is another thing that I love when travelling somewhere new: I like having no marks no routine and this feeling of being off balanced it’s very satisfying to slowly learn to make a new environment yours and as you said you learn soooo much in the process it’s worth the discomfort and initial fears.
I’ve only recently discovered your blog through your interview on Refletions Enroute looking forward to read more of your adventures.
Silvia says
It is really nice not to have a routine! I often wish that I did, but I think being off balanced, as you put it, really does keep me more alert and aware of everything I’m doing instead of just letting time pass by. Anyway, I’m glad you found me!
Brittany @ The Trading Travelers says
Really great read! I’m one of those “scared of everything” people too. I can totally relate and couldn’t agree more!
Silvia says
It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one!
jennifer says
I love this post. I always get the brave thing too. I am not brave, I am just bored. It is completely stimulating to be in a foreign country alone. I love the mental challenge. Oh and the running away thing too. I have a friend who also travels solo. We laughed over drinks one night because we are both constantly taking off and there is nowhere in the world that is enough distance from day to day life. I would much rather be detached in a foreign country and leaving everything behind, than staying here and dealing.
Silvia says
Right, who wants to deal with things? Haha. I do hope that eventually I’ll be okay settling down. Or I’ll just have to be the crazy old lady staying in hostel dorms, ha.
Joella in Beijing says
Really great post Silvia- I am also kind of scared of nearly everything (I actually just commented that to someone yesterday) but somehow I just get on with it in the name of travel. Inside I might be terrified (like with the dog situation on the horse trek- although that was legitimately scary, not just Joella scary!) but I always make it through and I’m better for it!
Silvia says
You’re right, it feels sooo good when you make it through! Though I’m pretty sure I would have fallen off the horse and been eaten by those dogs, haha.
Will Zhong says
You are so cute and lovely~
Will you continue to travel? acturally I have read all of your posts and will keep reading if there is a new one.and I really hope one day you will come to China again.
Silvia says
Of course I’ll continue to travel! There are so many things to see in China, so I’m sure I’ll go back someday. Hopefully soon!
Adrian of Adrian's Travel Tales says
I love this post. It’s so true in a lot of ways. I have seen many people that find their place in places that are so different from them. There’s something to be said for always standing out because of what you look like and people don’t really focus on what you do. I was teaching in Taiwan and Cambodia and constantly told how beautiful I was because I was so white and so fat. Ugh! What a blow to a girls ego if you take it the wrong way. But I really learned to feel comfortable in my own skin and own my body and myself. Even in Western countries, I still stand out. I think there’s something that we learn as backpackers that radiates in how we walk and interact with others, even if we aren’t aware of it. And brave. I get called brave on a daily basis. I never feel brave. I feel like a normal girl from small town USA that decided to take a trip. Keep on keeping on and being you. 🙂
Silvia says
That’s such an interesting idea! I was talking to a friend last night about how she feels like she doesn’t fit in well back home after having been gone for a year and a half, and we were trying to figure out what it was. Maybe she just has that backpacker glow!
Rebekah says
I love this post. People are always telling me how brave and adventuresome I am and I always wish I felt like I was the girl they describe. I’m always nervous but I found as long as you get your butt on the train/bus/plane then everything will work out…. I also love knowing I’m not the only introverted backpacker 🙂
Silvia says
Right? I wish I were that girl too, sigh. And it’s so nice to see there are other shy backpackers out there – sometimes I feel like the awkward girl crashing the cool kids’ party, haha.
Heather says
I totally relate to this! I’m not shy or scared of much, but I am a major introvert and very socially awkward. But being an expat and traveler means I have an instant connection with others I meet abroad. As long as we can talk about our favorite countries, I’m good!
Silvia says
I love that instant connection – and seriously miss it when I’m not traveling!
Jeanna says
Well, I’m sure happy I got to meet you. Love you! Miss you! xx
Silvia says
Chiang Mai is so empty now 🙁
Abbi from Life in a rucksack says
Fantastic Article! I totally relate to this is every way. Often I find that although I’m scared a lot of the time, I tend to gloat around in my own World, and things work out fine.
Found your comment about find it easier when you’re with people from other cultures, this is so true, you feel you can be who you want, and not feel judged.
Totally sharing this article, a real and honest write up.
Silvia says
Thanks so much, Abbi! And yeah, I think I might just have to be an expat for life – socializing at home is too hard!
Casey says
I normally don’t comment on blogs, but oh my god, “Confessions of a Broken Heart!” I completely forgot Lindsay did that. So bad it’s brilliant!
Silvia says
So bad. SO good. I’m ready to get a new song stuck in my head now though, ugh.
Agness says
I can absolutely relate to this post. I used to be so shy, but not anymore. Asia has changed me!! 🙂
Silvia says
I hope Asia has changed me too! I can’t imagine being scared to talk in class anymore, but I wonder how I’ll actually feel if I go back to school. Will all the shyness come rushing back?
Yosemite says
Cheeeeeerioooos! Come here and I will give you some.
Silvia says
Come here and bring me some!!
Catherine says
Lovely post! Sometimes I worry that I’m too much of a scaredy cate to really travel and that I’ll end up giving in after a month of misery, but it’s great to hear a fellow scaredy cat succeeding 🙂
Silvia says
That’s how I feel all the time! Then again, I’ve made it this far. And you have too!
Miquel says
I loved this and smiled all the way through. I find that if I’m ever particularly scared of something it gives me even more motivation to pursue it. The things I’m most afraid of usually end up being the most rewarding!
Silvia says
That’s so true! I often fill up with dread when I realize I’m scared of something, because that means I HAVE to do it, haha.
Justine says
Wait…so I’m not the only one? It’s so nice to hear that other travelers have similar fears to mine. I’m super shy, I’m petrified of speaking in public (small groups of friends included), and I get really nervous over all sorts of silly things that most people wouldn’t think twice about. But, kinda like you, I think that’s why I love traveling so much. It has functioned to make me come out of my shell way more than I would back home. And it’s so true…I totally feel more normal in Asia because everything I do is comical or strange to people. And for some odd reason it makes me feel less anxious. Although I’m still not 100% comfortable being stared at ALL the time.
Silvia says
I can’t tell you how nice it’s been to read these comments and realize I’m not the only shy traveler out there, phew. I at least thought I must be the only person shy enough to be scared of speaking to a group of friends. It sounds like we’re kindred spirits!
Jayne says
I love this post as I am a totally scaredy cat when travelling solo and (big confession) although I’m not shy when it comes to socialising I don’t enjoy it that much! I’m quite comfortable with my own company, which is probably a good thing for a solo traveller, but every now and then I have to remind myself that meeting people is part of the experience. I guess travelling is all about pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and we all have different places we find comfortable.
Silvia says
I’ve definitely been guilty of making up excuses to turn down invitations from other backpackers when I’m traveling solo because I’d rather be alone. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but you’re right that it’s also important to meet other people! At least having a small comfort zone provides many opportunities to push outside of it!
Dale says
Sometimes when I’m sitting with a group of strangers that I’ve somehow come to have met via travelling and all of their eyes are upon me, listening to my every word, I wonder to myself “how did I get here?”.
I wasn’t just shy prior to travel, I was uber-shy. You just have to ask my friends and they’ll tell you that it more often than not too four or five meetings with them for me to come out of my shell and to talk a little with them.
Travel did this to me, and a large part of Asian travel was the cause. I no longer felt the expectations of the the culture I was brought up in and as a consequence became free of any.
I love the person I’ve become, and I owe it all to travel. I’m glad you felt that too.
Silvia says
I’ve definitely had that same moment of “how am here, voluntarily telling stories to a group of strangers?” It really is remarkable how much traveling can change us and help us overcome our fears. It’s also so interesting reading other bloggers thoughts on this, because from everyone’s stories and strong writing voices I had thought I was the only shy one in the bunch!
Dale says
Don’t worry, you’re not alone 🙂
Vanessa @ The Travelling Colognian says
I love that one, Silvia. I myself feel so much more “normal” when I am abroad than at home, too, even though I at least look so totally different with my blonde hair and my pale skin than the local people in Asia. But at home I am probably viewed as a total freak who is running away off a 9 to 5-job with a stable income. During my latest visit to Beijing I was often viewed as an expat living in the country. People were totally surprised when they heard that I was only there for two and a half weeks and said I was acting very normal and confident.
Btw, I can’t believe you are “scared of everything”, you seem to be so self-confident. But when abroad I also do things I would never do at home.
Silvia says
It is amazing how different we can feel in different countries. That’s great that you are so confident in new cities abroad – I’m sure that will help you in many ways in the future 🙂
becky hutner says
Oh my gosh, so good, so good. Reminds me of another favorite travel blogger whose whole blog pretty much rests on this conceit…I’m sure you’re familiar with unbrave girl?
I hope that I will one day be able to write as plainly and candidly as you can. You’re seriously talented.
Silvia says
Your comment made my day, Becky! So, so sweet. And yes, I love Unbrave Girl – her writing is so entertaining!
Alana - Paper Planes says
A lot of the travelers I know are introverts or just plain shy – I think those traits help make better travelers though, you’re more likely to observe or notice things about where you are and see what’s really going on!
Silvia says
So true! It does just seem like a myth perpetuated by non-travelers that everyone who travels (and especially travels and blogs) must be super brave and super outgoing. It’s normally quite the opposite!
Victor says
Interesting, how many years you will be traveling before you understand that you are fed by travels and want to live in a place which you like? How do you think?
Silvia says
That’s such a good question, and I wish I knew the answer to it!
Miriam of Adventurous Miriam says
I love your honesty, Silvia, and I think a lot of us can relate to your post. At least I can. The way I see it, courage isn’t about not being afraid. It’s about being afraid, but doing it anyway. You might not be fearless and extrovert, but you are one brave girl and no one can take that away from you x
Silvia says
Perfectly put, Miriam! I love the idea that courage is acting despite your fears, because that means I’m courageous all the time, even with silly tasks like calling the post office, haha.
Victoria@ The British Berliner says
What a lovely post Silvia. I can so relate. I used to be supper shy when I was a young girl. I even used to hid behind the door when people came to visit LOL And being the only girl in a household of 3 boys didn’t make things easier!
It was my favourite teacher at school who taught me how to work the room and introduced me to school debating and public speaking. And that was it. The dam was broken!
When I moved to Germany, I became shy again and really hated talking to people and then I went into teaching…! I still have to breathe before I step into the room but now I’m that girl who will put her hand out first and intoduce herself. The fact that I’m “exotic-looking,” coupled with being a British expat, really helps to break the ice. Oh, and my glasses. They’re purple on the outside and green on the inside LOL!
Silvia says
Teaching helped me so much as well! At least talking in front of a bunch of people feels like less of a big deal now. But wow, I guess what I really need is to get myself some purple and green glasses! Thanks for the tip 😉
Charlie says
This made me smile. I also feel incredibly awkward and shy, though I’m the same when I travel too – I always wonder if I would be different if I travelled solo, though probably not much.
Silvia says
I do feel different when I’m traveling solo. Not necessarily less awkward, but definitely more comfortable about being awkward, haha.
mediodiablo says
Don’t you find it fascinating that so many people relate to your post? My favorite line: “weird for being a foreigner, not for being me” 🙂
I’m pretty sure that, in the five to six weeks of travel I do each year, I meet way more people than in the remainder forty-something I spend at home in LA. But it has to be international travel to have that effect.
Silvia says
It is sort of comforting seeing how many people feel similarly to me about this! And yeah, I’m a little afraid I’ll become totally antisocial if I stop traveling now! ha
Sally says
I love this post. Why do you have to be brave to do something with h your life!? I hate it when people say ‘You are so brave’. I am the biggest worrier in the world. I get it from my gran! I lay awake at night worrying about something that doesn’t matter in the morning. Last week I checked into a hostel and myself and my travel companion were the only two in the hostel when my friend turns to me and says ‘Oh this is weird, have you seen the movie hostel?’ WHAT! What were they thinking? I laid awake all night staring at the door I had barricaded with our backpacks. Yes I am very brave :)Ps. The hostel was super nice, just very new so hadn’t had a lot of guests yet!
Silvia says
Haha oh no! My friend and I watched Taken while in Albania (the kidnappers in Taken are Albanian) and after that I was sooo paranoid! Such a baby, haha.
L says
Hello, I like this point of view! For the past half year, it’s been a rare day where I wasn’t afraid of something – and it all boils down to fear of depression (depression is effing scary. It’s not something you can fight because it robs you of your will to fight.)
Then I made a decision, a declaration of sorts, that I will go on a long-term trip – not sure when, or about transportation (bicycle??) or where in the world, or how long or anything yet, but I’m going to do it and it’s the next thing once I’ve worked for a bit. If I decide to go back to school – that idea has to get in line after this trip. If I want to start a family – get in line, idea, I’mma travel the world first!
And my fear went away.
I, too, am shy, so it’s going to be interesting 🙂
Silvia says
Depression really is terrifying, especially once you get through it and realize how off you really were! I’m so excited for your decision to travel the world – and I can totally relate to that fear suddenly disappearing after making that choice 🙂
Serendipity Tess says
Awesome! Another shy traveller! I have just recently written a post about my shyness of meeting new people recently and I kind of thought…hmmm…maybe I’m the only one who feels that way. Nope…so glad to have found you!
The beauty about travelling is that somehow the right people always find you. The ones I actually WANT to talk to – and I end up meeting really lovely like-minded people – so my shyness gradually melts away. And yet, at the core, I’m still an introverted traveler. Who knows if that will ever change. The question is…does it matter? 🙂
Silvia says
Yeah I was really surprised how many people commented on this post saying that they’re also super shy – we’re definitely not alone!
Andrea says
I have been sucked into your blog all day after finding you on Alex in Wanderland 🙂 I can completely relate to this post — especially about public speaking in front of your classes and not worrying as much about standing out when you know you will no matter what. I think traveling and living abroad gave me a lot of confidence and definitely forced some personal growth 🙂
Charlie Beatty says
This was the post I needed to read. Thank you!
Silvia says
Ah there’s nothing I like better to hear than that!
Linde says
This is an old post but I will still comment on it because I recognise it all too much! I am scared already when all my friends quitly listen to what I want to tell, when I do a speech in front of my family. But people tell me I am brave for travelling the world on my own. Well, I am scared as hell and surely sometimes I cried out of fear or loneliness. Truth is, what you get back from travelling is so good that it is worth it.
Silvia says
Oh my goodness, I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets nervous even speaking in front of friends! Travel does make it better though 🙂
Aimee says
Reading this post made me feel so much better haha.. I am planning to travel long term and I’m similar to how you describe yourself, awkward in social situations and with meeting new people, gives me hope that I can still make it work without being a travelling hermit 😛
Silvia says
So many backpackers I met actually said the same thing, so you won’t be alone!
hfshzhr says
I can relate to this…sometimes I’m quite chatty sometimes I just prefer to let other people do the talking on my travels. I’m upset of myself when I could be better (being friendlier or something) but there are times for it…it’s just difficult to make that distinction. A part of this problem is probably due to language barriers…? I think I’m being too hard on myself. Thank you for this honest writing.
Catia @ A Pulgarita says
Hey,
I also feel like this. I’m quite chatty, talk quite loud and I am always eager to organize travels and hikes and explore the world, yet deep down I am scared, shy and feel akward, even around friends. So reading this I felt totally like you! I have also traveled alone for some places and while sometimes I feel that I could do better with someone, the freedom I have and the people I meet make me feel so proud I am traveling alone. Maybe when I know I’m completely away from regular social norms I feel more free to be myself. Hope I can be brave enough to do it outside Europe like you someday =)
Silvia says
It just gets easier and easier I think 🙂
Kasey says
(I’m a little behind on the times) but.. I absolutely loved this and feel the same way when I’m travelling! I felt more comfortable in Varanasi India during a holy festival with people grabbing my blonde hair than I do going to a house party in Canada where I only know the host! Thank you for putting that feeling into a great article.
Silvia says
Exactly! It sounds like we are the same 🙂
Sarah says
So happy to see this post! I, too, am a shy traveller, which makes it interesting coming back home to Canada.
Abroad, sometimes I’m not sure whether I hang back because of language issues, or maybe it’s the unfamiliarity, OR maybe it’s just because I’m shy. At home it should be different, right? Not always!
Rianne - Sunny Journeys says
Hi 🙂 I found your blog through the highly sensitive person website and I’m loving it! I also feel shy often but still love to meet people. And I’m super afraid of rickety bridges!
I was wondering if you identify more with being introvert or extroverted?
Silvia says
I think I’m actually right on the border – too much socializing definitely drains me, but I also lose energy if I don’t socialize enough. I’m super shy though – so often I describe myself as a shy extrovert, haha.
Lea says
I am the same way! Socially awkward people for the win! I feel the same when traveling, its very freeing and the usual fears seem to be washed away, almost. I’m so glad that I came across your blog, I’ve found my kindred spirit in the blogosphere.
Silvia says
Aaah that makes me so happy!
Simone says
Hey there and greetings from Germany 🙂 I liked this post very much. I am not a shy person at all but I understand how you feel. I think what is so amazing is that when you travel different countries and meet different people you get the opportunity to experience yourself in different ways. You find yourself in new situations, but you also surprise yourself with the ways you handle them or act in them. My husband and I started long backpacking trips, mostly in SEA, when we were already in our forties. And I learned so much about me, about us and about dealing with problems and handling situations. It really improved my self-confidence and my ability to “go with the flow”and trust in that you will return save in the end. Travelling is a very character-forming experience indeed. Take care!
Angel says
I am amazed how you are so shy yet you manage to write a blog and show photos that prove otherwise. I think some labels/conditions get overused nowadays thus heavily diluting the true condition of shyness/anxiety that some truly do suffer from.