I’m always impressed when I meet travelers whose parents never travel. It must take a huge amount of bravery for them not only to decide to explore the unknown, but also to do so when their families would rather have them stay at home. My parents have always been enthusiastic about my travels, even responding with encouragement when I decided to spend all of my savings from Japan on years of backpacking. They’re huge travelers themselves (and raised me to be), so they fully understand my wanderlust.
My parents each left home as teenagers, and in fact my Norwegian mom hasn’t lived in Norway since she was 19. They rarely got to see their families after leaving home, so I always figured that they were therefore fine about not seeing me often now either. Spending time with them over Christmas, however, I was reminded that their unending support doesn’t mean they don’t still wish we spent more time together. I guess wanderers don’t always make the best daughters, something I felt so guilty about over Christmas that I somehow agreed to let my dad write a guest post on my blog!
Ahh parents.
When Silvia wrote about how coming home for the holidays (last year to Massachusetts and this year to Norway) triggered lots of unhappy tears, I found myself simultaneously pleased and distressed by her honesty. Being the father of a backpacker is not always an easy thing, I assure you.
Worried and stressed parents, aren’t they a widespread but seldom discussed down side to backpacking? Imagine, for instance, the emotions that Silvia’s mother and I went through when one of her blog posts featured the word “kidnapped“! And how do you think it felt for us when the long-sought reunion got interrupted by tears?!
Because it’s hard to write about such emotions, I decided to draw my inspiration from a poet. I chose stay-at-home Emily Dickinson for two reasons. First, the obvious one: Silvia’s mother and I have mostly stayed at home as our daughter has traveled the world. Second, the not so obvious one: Emily Dickinson was the prototype of the shy backpacker, even if her travels were internal ones. After noting, for instance, that there are no volcanoes in Massachusetts, where she spent her entire life, she added, “A Crater I may contemplate / Vesuvius at Home.”
Ah, yes, the volcanic life of feeling! This is the stuff for poetry. It requires language with “wings” to tell the story of what makes a courageous world-traveler vulnerable to bouts of tears when suddenly faced with the emotionally thick stew that most of us call Home.
That’s my explanation for what I am now going to offer you. First: a poem of Emily Dickinson about the “losses” that get measured in tears. As I read it, it’s really a prophetic poem about Silvia and her backpack. That’s a remarkable fact, so remarkable indeed that it opened the door for a rather shameless act of self-indulgence on my part: the composition of what will be my first (and presumably one-and-only) put-out-there-for-all-the-world-to-see POEM. Like I said before, only words with wings can convey what the parent of a backpacker has to go through!
So, with that as prelude, I will begin with the poem of Emily Dickinson:
“Her losses make our Gains ashamed–
She bore Life’s empty Pack
As gallantly as if the East
Were swinging at her Back.
Life’s empty Pack is heaviest,
As every Porter knows —
In vain to punish Honey —
It only sweeter grows.”
Next, my own effort. Consider it my contribution to the futile attempt to “punish Honey.”
I live for beauty — and when sick
Yearn sorely for relief.
My daughter lives for truth — if sick,
Lays it on, sometimes thick.
She says, “Look here, I’m sick.” I look,
Only wanting her well.
“But take me as I AM,” she says
And on her words I dwell.
So far apart, truth and beauty,
In love they try to kiss.
Father and daughter, both in tears,
Their sadness not amiss.
Truth and beauty ebb and flow,
Till in the end we die.
Love comes with this greatest risk, so
Too much love makes us cry.
How better thank you, dear daughter,
For lessons such as this,
But to entrust my heart to your backpack
To carry as you go?
If you are sick in Singapore
I will be sick as well,
But glad for the gift you make me,
Shards of an egg’s torn shell.
So break free and see the world, with us
(your mother and your me)
As backpack hearts with this to say:
We want you home — everywhere,
In all the pretty places
Whatever the truth is there.
Afterword
But maybe, instead of trying to write a poem for you, I would have done better to let Emily say the words:
“Far from Love the Heavenly Father
Leads the Chosen Child
Oftener through Realm of Briar
Than the Meadow mild.
Oftener by the Claw of Dragon
Than the Hand of Friend
Guides the Little One predestined
To the Native Land.”
As the harshness in her words show, truth unites with beauty, when tears have wiped truth clean.
So here is the tears-cleansed truth about my beautiful daughter. It has always been a burden for her to know that she is “predestined” to find her way to her ultimate home, her “Native Land.” Rightly so, for the word is wrought with such terrifying EXPECTATIONS. Best to head off through the world.
But then the joke: how better to find one’s native land than by making the discovery that the whole world is your home — and all humanity your beloved family.
Life’s Empty Pack is a heavy one. Carry it well. In the end it will float in the air.
Marie @ Marie Away says
This is truly beautiful and inspiring. It’s so personal, poetic, and touching. I love seeing a parent’s perspective on their child’s vagabonding lifestyle.
My parents never travelled–they never left Canada until after I had gone to university. They still live across the street from the house my mom grew up in (very small town people). They have never been happy with my love of travel, but they’ve come to accept it over the years.
Silvia says
Oh wow, it’s so interesting that you’re so filled with wanderlust then! My parents raised me to love traveling, so I often wonder if I would be such a wanderer if they hadn’t taught me to be. I imagine your family must be sad when you’re gone, but that’s great that they’re finally accepting it!
Ashley says
This is such a beautiful post and it’s so refreshing to hear your fathers perspective. My parents are generally supportive, but I know they struggle to understand my travel obsession, and I feel so guilty that I cause them to worry whenever I’m away.
Silvia says
It’s amazing how much scarier travel can seem when you’re the one who’s staying at home – I often think that my family and friends who worry about me probably think my travels are much more adventurous and crazy than they really are!
Vera says
I totally agree with you in the point where travelers whose parents didn’t traveled, that takes a lot of courage! My parents, as I think yours, have enjoyed traveling since they were in college and they have passed to me so. It was interesting to read your father’s view on it, I hope you can keep spending time traveling and both with your family. With love,
Vera
http://theflashwindow.weebly.com/
Silvia says
Thanks, Vera! I’m definitely grateful that my parents are so supportive, but I think sometimes I assume that because they love to travel they don’t mind at all when I do, when actually they still worry and miss me like all parents do!
Uncle frank says
Like a poem I go on, You though, stay awhile, make yourself at home….no need to feel alone. All our searching leads to “One”.
Silvia says
Ahh, you Lawrence men.
Jessica @Triple T Travels says
Ah your sweet dad! I love this so much. This reminds me a lot of my mom. She is always so worried about me when I go out traveling. She actually just mentioned the other day how all these parents of travelers (like me) must feel.
I’m definitely going to have her read this.
Silvia says
Yeah, I realized over Christmas that I often don’t realize how much my parents worry – I just assume that because they also love to travel that they only have positive feelings about travel.
Neysha says
This is so beautiful! I’m about to send this to my father. I may or may not be crying… thank you for sharing, and thank you for your dad for writing it!
Silvia says
Aww, my dad will be happy to see that people aren’t totally turned off by his poetry, ha.
Erin says
What a beautiful post! My family is heavy on my mind lately since I just decided to re-contract my life in Japan for another year. I miss my family when I am away and feel selfish staying away from them but I also know I am lucky to have a supportive family that want happiness for me. Love Love Love this post. Your father has a beautiful way with words and I loved reading his perspective on your life.
Silvia says
I do often feel horrible for always leaving my family and friends, though when I’m home I’m usually so grumpy that they eventually want me to leave, haha.
Leah says
This is beautiful, Silvia! I really don’t have many words…beautiful and moving are all that come to mind. Be sure to thank your dad for this on my behalf 🙂
Silvia says
Glad you liked it! It was really funny when he asked if he could write a guest post and then sent me this poem.
becky hutner says
your dad’s right, this IS a rare perspective. go you for giving the parents a bit of air time.
makes me think of my own (way less tolerant. and poetic) parents. i’m not even a full time traveler & they’re still plenty puzzled by my wandering ways. ie) months after i returned from a trip, my mom was still asking me, “you never DID tell me why you had to go to spain for a whole month!” i don’t know, mom. because we wanted to??
really sweet & thoughtful post!
http://canadianinlosangeles.com
Mary B says
What a beautiful gift from your dad! My mom is not a traveler, and in fact had never had a passport until I made her come visit me when I studied abroad in college. She worries a LOT, and we still get into some pretty tough discussions about why it’s so important to me to experience the world, and why that scares her so much. Right now I’m planning my first long-ish term solo trip (3 months) to Georgia, Iran and Turkey, which really has her freaked out! I feel bad for causing her anxiety… but not bad enough not to go. :-/
Silvia says
That’s so nice that you’ve introduced your mom to travel! George, Iran and Turkey will be an AMAZING trip, I’m so excited for you!
Yosemite says
omg yessss. you should give him a regular column on here. #teampapalawrence
Silvia says
TELL ME ABOUT IRAQ!!!
Grace | The Beauty of Everywhere says
This is such a beautiful post! Your dad’s words are just gorgeous, full of love and very inspiring. To have parents who are supportive of you going off and having adventures is the most wonderful thing. I feel very lucky to be in the same position.
Silvia says
We’re definitely incredibly lucky 🙂
Vanessa @ The Travelling Colognian says
What a wonderful, touching and personal post of your Dad and you, Silvia. Your Dad’s words gave me an idea how my Mom must feel when I am travelling. Like you I come from a family of travellers. My Mom has the travel bug like me and she always supported and encouraged me to travel. I am very glad and proud of my parents who are still adventurous and explore the world.
Silvia says
It is really inspiring to have parents who’ve traveled a lot – I’m still trying to catch up with all the experiences my parents have had!
Samantha says
What a lovely post! Your dad sounds like a special man. How wonderful it must be to have so much support from home!
Silvia says
He’s definitely a special one, ha!