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I’ve written a bit about losing a dear friend a few years ago, and how difficult it was to face that grief by myself in a new town. I remember feeling so alone in my sadness, and wanting to share my experience so that others struggling might feel less alone. Or at least, when I was my lowest I know I found a lot of comfort in hearing other people’s stories of dealing with difficult times.
But then I never really talked about the steps I took to feel happy again.
Several of my friends speak to therapists – in fact I think all but one of my close friends in the US have therapists – is this a very American thing? At any rate, after Rachel’s death they all encouraged me to find a professional to speak to, and one of my friends even discussed my situation with her own therapist to offer some tools to find comfort.
To be perfectly honest I was resistant to the idea of speaking to a counselor or therapist. It’s a troubling aspect of depression – when at my lowest I had no interest in helping myself. Plus, whom would I even speak to? Finding someone in Norway and then dragging myself to their office seemed… I mean frankly at the time it felt impossible.
If you listen to as many podcasts as I do, you might be having the same thought I had: what about trying BetterHelp?
It seems like BetterHelp advertises on every podcast I listen to, so I knew that they offer online counselling through video calls. But while I had heard a lot about them, none of the podcasters promoting them seemed actually to have used BetterHelp themselves, so I was skeptical. I hadn’t heard any specific BetterHelp complaints, but I also hadn’t heard any BetterHelp reviews from people who had actually used them.
I came up with all the excuses not to sign up for BetterHelp. Online therapy probably wasn’t actually even effective, I had read mixed BetterHelp reviews online (though any BetterHelp negative reviews had to do with their marketing strategy, no one’s actual personal experience with the platform), and it seemed like a luxury I didn’t actually need to dish out money on. I had friends I could talk to!
In the end the only reason I finally took the leap and signed up for BetterHelp was that I made a pact with a friend who also wanted to talk to a therapist and we signed up on the same day. So if you’re feeling intimidated, maybe sign up with a friend? As my friend said after we both matched with therapists, “accountability works.”
My personal BetterHelp review
Okay so I thought I’d share my own personal Better Help review to answer some of the questions and concerns I had when thinking about signing up. Also I know it would have helped to hear from someone actually using BetterHelp, so I could know if BetterHelp is legit and trustworthy and worth the money.
In fact since first starting BetterHelp I’ve convinced so many of my friends and family members to try it as well that now I feel like a bit of an expert on the platform.
The signup process itself is incredibly easy. BetterHelp takes you through a series of questions and at the end they match you with a therapist. I was surprised at how quickly I was matched with someone – I guess I had secretly been hoping the sign up process would be really complicated and I could put it off.
But that same day I had an email from my licensed therapist introducing herself, along with her license number and professional background. These can vary from therapist to therapist, so definitely double check that your assigned counselor has the licensing and experience level you’re looking for.
I’m embarrassed to say that it then took me a couple more weeks to respond, but as soon as I did Connie encouraged me to choose a session time from her calendar and we set up our first video call.
Connie lives in the US and I live in Norway, so there is a time difference. This simply means that we speak in the afternoons or evenings – usually 2 pm at the earliest and sometimes as late as 11 pm or midnight if I’m traveling and have a really busy day planned.
Most of the BetterHelp counselors do live in the US, but you can sign up for BetterHelp regardless of which country you’re in – just be aware of the time difference and of course that the BetterHelp counseling language is English (I think Spanish is also offered). If you are in Europe and matched with a therapist on the US West Coast you can always request one on the East Coast instead, so the time difference is smaller. Live video or phone sessions are conducted through the BetterHelp website, so you’ll need an Internet connection to make the call.
BetterHelp also offers voice calls and messaging, but I only really use the video call format, and then sometimes Connie will message me with a link I might find helpful or a book recommendation.
Oh and I was wondering if BetterHelp records calls, but the only recording from your conversations with your counselor is from the written texts (as they’re in writing), but Connie assured me that the phone calls are never recorded or shared with anyone else, phew.
I was nervous for our first session, but I kept reminding myself that if Connie and I didn’t click I could request a different therapist.
This was actually one of the big selling points for me with BetterHelp. I had always heard that it can be difficult to find a therapist you mesh with, and my friends said that I might need to shop around a bit at first. That would have been hard to do in my little town, whereas with BetterHelp I’d be able to simply log into my account and submit a request for a new counselor.
Update: A friend recently signed up for BetterHelp and requested to change therapists twice because the time slots they offered didn’t fit her schedule, and when she requested a new therapist for the second time they actually gave her a list of about six therapists whom she could choose from. So if you want a little more choice, you could always immediately request a change twice in a row, and then you can read the bios of the therapists offered to you and choose yourself.
I’d encourage you to shop around to find a therapist you really love – and I’ve heard that people have gotten the first week or two refunded when they’ve had calls with therapists that didn’t work out, so if you do switch it might be worth writing to BetterHelp customer service and requesting a refund for the “lost” week with the therapist that didn’t work out (I can’t promise it will work, but it has for several people I know).
Also I’ve heard that some therapists only offer one 30-minute call a week instead of 45 minutes, so if your therapist says they can only do a 30-minute call I would maybe switch therapists so you can get longer sessions. All three of the BetterHelp therapists I’ve had over the past three years have offered 45-minute sessions.
Within minutes of meeting Connie I felt at ease with her. In fact for the first time in months I felt truly comforted by talking to someone. I felt so immediately comfortable with her that afterwards I actually racked my brain trying to figure out if I had met her before – she just seemed so familiar somehow. Of course I hadn’t, but I think it was a sign that this was going to be a wonderful fit.
And in that first session I realized that talking to a therapist is totally different than talking to friends or family. I feel no judgement from Connie, but perhaps more importantly, I know so little about her life I can’t really judge her, or myself against her. That has freed me from feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and envy, which makes it a lot easier to accept what she tells me and use the tools she gives me.
For anyone wondering, we’re doing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on reframing the way I think about situations to more effectively respond to challenges.
After a few months of weekly one-hour sessions with Connie I realized that I had come back out of the darkness. I understand myself and my emotions better than I ever have, I’ve become more productive in my work, less stressed by social situations, and I even feel like I’ve become a better friend – at least I hope so!
I simply can’t recommend going to therapy enough. And yes, I realize it’s an expense not everyone can afford. But at this point I’d happily cut down my travel and even food budget for therapy. I’d probably even move into a cheaper apartment if that was the only way I could continue with my sessions. Is that crazy? I’ll have to ask Connie.
How much does BetterHelp cost?
As far as therapy goes though, BetterHelp is surprisingly affordable. BetterHelp costs $55 to $95 per week, and includes weekly one-hour calls along with unlimited voice and text messaging. Pricing depends on how long you sign up for – so it’s cheaper if you sign up for a three-month package instead of paying weekly or monthly:
- $95 for one week
- $320 for one month
- $715 for three months
I actually just realized when I looked up the fees right now that I was paying one month at a time and could save quite a bit by signing up for a long term package. So maybe make a note when you sign up to go back and reevaluate which package to choose later on. $320 per month seems like a good place to start though, as a month of weekly sessions should give you a good idea if this is something you want to continue with.
Update: I recently had four weeks when I couldn’t schedule a call with my therapist but I had already paid for the next three months, and I asked BetterHelp customer service if they could add a free four weeks to my account and they did! Seriously BetterHelp customer service so accommodating, I would definitely encourage you to contact them whenever you have a concern.
Sorry, it sounds like I’m trying to sell BetterHelp to you – I guess because I sort of am? Well, not BetterHelp specifically, but I’ve just had such a wonderful experience with therapy and truly believe that everyone can benefit so much from it. I wish I had done this much earlier, and I wish there was a way I could convince all my friends and family to try it out without sounding like I’m suggesting they are crazy and need help. We could all use help!
BetterHelp promo code
No, BetterHelp did not pay me to write this post. However I did reach out to them and ask if BetterHelp could offer a discount for you and they said yes! If you sign up for BetterHelp through this link then you’ll get two free weeks of BetterHelp. Maybe that’s the little incentive you need to try it out? I will also receive BetterHelp credits (to use for my own BetterHelp subscription) for any sign ups through my links – so it’s win for both of us!
Like I said before, it’s an American company so most therapists are in the US, but you can sign up from anywhere in the world, if you speak English (some also speak Spanish – I’m not sure about other languages). This also means that you can continue using BetterHelp if you’re traveling or if you move cities. BetterHelp also offers couples counselling.
Becky says
Crying at your last comment about couple therapy 😂 – there are going to be a lot of breakups after this isolation period! No, but in all seriousness, thank you so much for opening up about this. I wish more people would talk about going to therapy, and it’s amazing how accessible therapy has become with online counseling! I can also confirm that it can take a while to find the right therapist. You are lucky to have found someone you love so quickly.
Zoe says
I’m so glad you found some peace with counselling! Often people think their problems aren’t bad enough and that’s so not true.
I work for an organisation that runs phone counselling in NZ for people who can’t make it to face to face or are too nervous. It’s purchased by government organisations or businesses so it’s free for the users. We’ve seen such a difference in people who otherwise would have never engaged in counselling. Sharing this to let people know there are lots of options out there to get help – you just need to look for them!
Stella says
Hi Zoe- what is this organisation called?
Bella says
What is this phone counselling service called? I’ve never heard of this in NZ.
Amer says
Hi.
This is a great post from you. Off topic but definitely eye opening and will be so useful for everyone having issues.
It is great that people are becoming more aware about the importance of mental health as it so strongly affects our lives.
Having said that, I totally agree with Becky that finding the right therapist can be quite tricky. I signed up for Betterhelp also last year but things didn’t click with the therapist I had. But it’s still a great resource at so low cost and just a click away. There are many therapists to choose from and I should give it another try.
Tiana says
Thank you for the promo code! I used your code and got the discount. I’m in need of therapy nowadays. Happy it worked out for you and wishing you the best
Vita says
Nice article, however I would like to add something.
I am a BetterHelp therapist.
1. Not ALL Betterhelp therapists live in the USA, they have an American licenses but they can live anywhere in the world. I am from USA but I live in Europe.
2. You dont have to speak English only to use BetterHelp. I speak 2 languages and 80% of my clients dont speak English as all.
3. The live session lasts 45 min. The therapist get paid by the min, so after 45 min his/her pay gets cut off and they talk to you for free. So please respect their time.
4. You dont get to match with therapist automatically, therapist gets request and then decides if they want to work with you or not. It depends on your message.
5. Call are never recorded on Betterhelp. In the USA it is absolutely illegal to record any voice conversation without one’s consent. In therapy that will be a huge HIPPA violation with million dollar fines and lawsuits.
6. Therapists get paid almost nothing in Betterhelp, 3 times less then you pay for your subscription. So many do it as a side income. Therefore, of your therapist all the sudden dont have time slots or not replying to your messages, meaning she/he is overwhelmed and concentrating on their full time job. Dont get offended,
I dont accept clients anymore, I just kept 10 of my regular clients with whom I was doing therapy for months. I am asking everyone to remember that therapist needs a good mental health too. That is a very stressful job and you need to understand it and respect it.
Silvia says
Thanks for the information!
Kat says
So what should someone do if their assigned therapist suddenly stops responding? Will they let you know if their taking a break and give “homework” for you to do in the meantime or do they just “ghost” you? If your therapist “ghost” you, how long should you wait before trying to reach out again or should you just look for a different match?
I’m sorry for throwing all these questions at you but I kinda have a bit of abandonment issues that tend to feed into my anxiety and depression. Like, I wouldn’t really get offended by the sudden lack of communication but there’s a good chance it might unintentionally end up reinforcing some of the negative thoughts I have about myself. #6 in your comment already helps with clear things up for me but having an idea of what I can do if this does happen would also really help with the whole anxiety thing.
Anyways… Thank you for taking the time to comment with your insider info. Its defiantly a big help. 😀
Maya Neal says
It is simply not true that therapists can only make crap money on Better Help. I’m a FULL TIME Better Help therapist making over 85 K per year gross on Better Help, more than I ever made in my private practice. Plus I take 3-day weekends off EVERY week. YES the average hourly wage I earn on Better Help is less than I’d charge when I had my private practice, but I have been more than able to compensate for that by taking the time to fully understand (and know how to work!) the Better Help system of reimbursement, and I have adopted client policies that me to be fairly compensated.
Frank says
As a BetterHelp therapist, myself, I completely agree with the guidance that Vita provides, and at the same time, tentatively agree with Maya, with _several_ caveats.
Everyone deserves the opportunity to take care of their mental health and wellness. Availing yourself to counseling does not mean that you will _always_ be happy. Life is messy. Even with therapy, you will experience sadness. This is actually a good thing, though, because if you’re never sad, can you truly experience happiness?
As for the therapists on the BetterHelp platform, please, please be understanding, and give them some grace. Vita is absolutely correct. We only get paid by the minute, and only up to 45 minutes per week, for each client. Period. If session runs over, that is time that your counselor is working for you that they are not getting paid for. If your session ends with less than 45 minutes, your therapist does not get paid for the difference – If your session is 38 minutes, your therapist gets paid for only 38 minutes. Here’s another little-known fact: When there are technical difficulties, your call or video session drops, or when your session ends abruptly for any unknown reason (this does seem to occur with some frequency), or maybe your connection is laggy or glitchy so you or your therapist reloads the browser window, the session is “officially” over. That’s your one session for the week. Period. So, when your therapist reconnects, and continues your session, that is time that your therapist is not getting paid for (it took me several months to figure this out). I, like many therapists, will still continue the session, because that’s what we do. None of us got into this business for the money (or those that did, quickly figure out the dollars and sense [LOL], and self-select out), we got into it to help people. Therapists only get paid when they are actually with the client, regardless of the scheduled start time of the session. So, if you are late to session, that’s time that the therapist has set aside for you, and is not getting paid. This forces the therapist to make some difficult decisions: in order to get paid for the full session, they _must_ allow it to run over the scheduled end time, but this also means that the therapist will be late to their next session, which will also end late… And, it can take a minute or two to switch from one client’s session to the next – so that time is also not cThe only way for a therapist to get paid the full hourly rate is to see clients back-to-back, with _no_ breaks. If you miss your appointment BetterHelp does not charge you a fee. And, your therapist does not get paid for the time that you would have been in session. Only recently (May of 2023), BetterHelp decided to pay therapists for 15 minutes of each missed session. Keep in mind, too, that once an appointment is scheduled with a therapist, the therapists’ time slot is booked for you. Therapists’ schedules are locked 18 hours in advance, so if a session is canceled within that 18 hours, no one else can schedule that time, even though it may show as available. Again, the therapist will recoup 15 minutes of pay, if they report the session as missed, or cancelled within 20 hours.
Each week, every therapist gets paid a starting wage of $30 USD (currently) per clock-hour of live sessions. That’s not $30 per session. Each session is capped at 45 minutes. That means that your therapist only gets paid $22.50 USD for your session. Now, BetterHelp does incentivize taking on many clients. In order to get that $30 for the hour of therapy, your therapist has to see another client. So, your therapist has to have 4 45-minute sessions in order to get paid for 3 hours of therapy. In order to achieve a “full” 8-hour work day, a therapist has to have 11 sessions in a day! Again, BetterHelp incentivizes larger caseloads. After 5 hours of live sessions (read: 300 minutes, or 7.33 sessions), the pay rate increases to $35 USD for the _next_ 5 hours (hours 6-10). From there, the pay increases by $5 USD/hour for each additional 5 hours of live sessions, but only for subsequent hours. In other words, the first 5 hours will always be paid at $30 USD/hour, with hours 6-10 at $35, 11-15 at $40, 16-20 at $45, 21-25 at $50, 26-30 at $55, 31-35 at $60, 36+ hours at $70 USD/ hour (there is a $10/hr jump from 35 hours to 36 and beyond. Earnings are capped at $70 USD/hour. This may even seem reasonable… Except, these rates reset for every therapist every week. So, even if the therapist made it to the $70/hour level, the first five hours of the following week, that therapist will still be $30 USD/ hour… And, the whole cycle starts all over, again.
If the therapist accumulates 12.5 hours in a week, they will earn 5hrs × $30/hr + 5hrs × $35/hr + 2.5hrs × $40/hr = $425 for that week; If they accumulate 27 hours in a week, they will earn 5hrs × $30/hr + 5hrs × $35/hr + 5hrs × $40/hr + 5hrs × $45/hr + 5hrs × $50/hr + 2hrs × $55/hr = $1,100 for that week; If they accumulate 45 hours in the week, they will earn $2,275 for that week.
So, think about this: In order to work the 45 hours in the illustration, above, the therapist has to have 60 unique sessions with 60 _different_ clients, with no cancellations.
Most therapists with BetterHelp are not employees of BetterHelp. They are “independent contractors.” That means that BetterHelp does not pay their employer-share of the employment taxes, nor pay the employer’s share of the Social Security or Medicare taxes (taxes that pay for government-subsidized retirement payments and government-subsidized post-retirement medical insurance. These taxes are paid by the therapists, themselves, in addition to the typical US federal and state (if any) taxes on income. In addition, as an independent contractor, therapists do not receive any sick pay, short or long-term disability, vacation/holiday, paid bank/federal, or state holidays (such as Christmas or boxing day), or medical or mental health insurance benefits (though, if a therapist works at least 30 hours – 40 sessions per week, for two consecutive months, BetterHelp will provide a “health” stipend of $650/US on the third month, to help offset the cost of self-funded healthcare insurance – which is required by federal law, and the therapist, like any US citizen, is penalized for not carrying health insurance, when they pay their annual federal income tax). Where most US citizens pay anywhere from 25-35% of their wage income in income tax, each year, these taxes are nearly double for those who are self-employed, as the employer’s share is transferred to the self-employed “independent contractor,” who pays “self-employment” tax. As an independent contractor, the therapist must also provide their own equipment – computer (live sessions can not be conducted with a cell phone), camera, internet service, and private space (which could be a vehicle or quiet park, etc). Compare this with an actual BetterHelp employee, who is often working remotely. BetterHelp provides the following benefits to their direct employes (_NOT_ therapists):
“Perks of BetterHelp”
“Healthy Meals On Us” – A well-fed team is a happy team! We go above and beyond to make sure you’ll always have access to fresh, healthy food in the office and at home; “Collaborative Culture” – We’re a team. Through a variety of virtual and in-person events, on-site, and off-site, we create connections and ensure you’re a part of the team; “Generous Compensation” – Your financial success is a priority of ours. We offer competitive compensation, 401K, ESPP, commuter benefits, tuition assistance, and more, to include any computer and office furnishings, and any software that “you want and will make you happy;” “Holistic Wellness Package” – Your comfort and wellness are important to us. We provide a generous WFH stipend, access to mental health & wellness tools, health benefits, and more; “Family and Pet-Friendly” – Family comes first. Our ultra-flexible PTO (Paid Time Off), pet-friendly workplace, and generous parental leave ensure your whole family is welcome and supported.
Let’s take a look at Maya’s situation: In her example, Maya stated that she grosses (before expenses and taxes are paid), writes that she makes “over $85,000 USD, a year.” At $85,000 – $7,800 ($650/month health stipend) = $1,484.62 USD/week. That breaks down to: 5hrs × $30/hr + 5hrs × $35/hr + 5hrs × $40/hr + 5hrs × $45/hr + 5hrs × $50/hr + 5hrs × $55/hr + 4hrs × $60/hr= $1,505 for the week. That’s approximately 34 hours, or 45 sessions per week, meaning she has about 11 sessions each of the four days that she works, each week. At approximately 8.5 hours of direct contact, per day, that’s not too bad. But, this doesn’t account for a lunch break, missed or late sessions, pee breaks (c’mon, we all do it), stretch breaks, etc. Not to mention the cost of her internet, and taxes, which she will pay no less than 33% of her earnings, bringing her annual take-home to about $56,100 per year, less internet – let’s figure $75/month for high-speed internet, to support video sessions, and now, we’re looking at $55,200, not even considering cost of healthcare coverage for herself, or for any dependents (but, we also removed the stipend from the earnings). $55,200 USD/ year isn’t too bad, but that does not include any paid time off. So if Maya wants to take a vacation, she won’t be getting paid during that time.
Many therapists, like Vita and myself, prefer the security of a predictable income with employer-funded benefits, such as paid holidays, vacations, and sick leave, not to mention potential retirement benefits such as pension (exceedingly rare, these days), 401k, or other benefits. As such, we will continue to work at our day jobs, and have a small independent practice through BetterHelp. Even though the compensation is much less in this case, it gives us much flexibility and the opportunity to earn a little more, in addition to our “day jobs,” without the complications and expenses associated with the traditional private practice (no advertising costs, or additional overhead – usually), or without the hassle of ensuring that we see x number of clients, this week. Yes. There are tradeoffs. And, each therapist must decide for themselves what they are willing to settle for, and what they are not willing to equivocate on.
Regardless of which model a therapist is using BetterHelp for – part-time, or full-time private practice, the ask is still the same, the therapist is making considerably less money to provide therapy to those who would like to receive the service, and for the fraction of the cost the client pays to BetterHelp for the service. So, please, be mindful that while we make this choice willingly, we are doing it to be of service to our clients. Please be mindful of this, and help us help you – and others.
Thank you for reading through all of this.
Be well.
john says
Betterhelp now employ therapists in the UK and some european countries.
I know because I am one.
David says
Hi John
How did better help find you in order to invite you to their platform?
Rudoy says
As someone who’s been on the fence about online therapy, this post really helped clear up some of my doubts. The author’s personal journey with BetterHelp was both enlightening and relatable. It’s refreshing to see someone talk about mental health so openly and honestly. Kudos to the author for sharing their experience and for reminding us that investing in our mental health is not a ‘frivolous luxury’ but a necessity. Thanks for the great read and the laughs along the way! Keep up the good work!
Ella says
I had a mixed experience with BetterHelp, which I used during a very difficult period in my personal and professional life. I just finished the service because I felt I’d “hit a wall” with my therapist.
Pros:
– you can choose which type of therapy you’d prefer. I opted for the more “person-centred” approach with a therapist who specialised in trauma
– if your therapist doesn’t work out for you, you can quickly and easily find a new therapist
– the chat facility, which enables you to message your therapist in between sessions, should you need any advice or want to get anything off your chest
– free exercises and worksheets which your therapist may send you to help you focus further on a specific issue in greater depth. E.g. a worksheet on challenging negative thoughts about self-image
Cons:
– I had constant issues with the platform not working properly for my therapist, which ended up spoiling my sessions in some way of another E.g. sound not working on her end, and my messages not getting through to her. A couple of sessions had to be cancelled or rearranged because of the sound issues. Technical issues always do felt brushed off, rather than my therapist complaining to BetterHelp about these unacceptable, persistent problems
– although she was initially very punctual, my therapist developed a habit of being 5+ minutes late to all of our sessions. This began to get quite grating but I felt awkward bringing it up (lifelong social anxiety sufferer with assertiveness issues here). She constantly had issues with her wi-fi as well, which kept getting more frequent before/during our sessions.
– my therapist felt subjective in some of the advice she gave me. For example, I explained how difficult my relationship with one of my parents is due to their unhealthy obsession with religion. My therapist, who admitted being spiritual herself, showed more sympathy towards my parent and suggested I be more understanding of their beliefs, rather than empathising with my perspective and how incredibly difficult I found my parents’ attitude because of their religious beliefs, and the strain it had on me and my siblings
– the BetterHelp app kept withdrawing money from my account on different days of the month, rather than being consistent. For the first few months, it would always debit the money on the 27th of each month, but this started changing and alternating, so it ended up taking money from my account on the 21st. This was a pain because I get paid on the 25th of every month.
– becoming too reliant on therapy. I initially joined the service because of significant distress I was dealing with in my personal and work life. It was very helpful in the aftermath of this period, but I began to feel reliant on the service after a while, even when I felt I was more able to deal with these challenges in my own. There’s a danger of feeling like you can’t cope without the help of therapy, so you continue doing it, even when you might no longer need it. When I finally “hit this wall”, my sessions started to feel very repetitive and predictable, with my therapist rehashing the same things and offering the same advice over and over again. I’ve finally quit the service and can honestly say I feel much better (and richer) for it.
ilan says
Your blog is a hub of creativity and originality.
Julia says
I heard about betterhelp reports and it was very concerning for me. I immediately selected the alternative online therapy platform PsychiCare. Quite good and very budget friendly.